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seabass 2 hours ago [-]
Pretty close but they forgot the part where I have to install anti cheat, update my drivers and reboot, create an account and link my email, check my email for a code, accept ToS, compile shaders, and wait for more patches to install before playing.
SlightlyLeftPad 1 hours ago [-]
Also the part where every single in-game menu looks as if it was created by a different team.
MYEUHD 23 minutes ago [-]
Those are mostly PC-exclusive features.
andrepd 5 minutes ago [-]
Everything in that list except "install drivers" is also present in consoles.
MYEUHD 1 minutes ago [-]
No not really. Most of it is handled for you. You don't install anticheat because the console already has DRM. You don't update your drivers because driver updates are bundled with OS updates (and you can't connect to the store without being on the latest update anyway). You don't compile shaders because they are pre-compiled on console.
jasomill 15 hours ago [-]
Amazing. Sat there for about five minutes listening to the dialogue, wasn't until I started hearing repeats that I realized it was actually interactive and not just an unnecessarily long opening cutscene.
Incidentally, as of Windows 8, Microsoft replaced OG Minesweeper with an overdesigned mobile game-inspired app with daily challenges and in-game purchases[1].
I've been carrying the orignal versions of Minesweeper and Solitaire from (checks Properties) Windows NT 3.51 in my "random bin" directory for years, chosen, I believe, because they're 32-bit, have none of the graphical changes introduced in later versions, and don't rely on any non-core system DLLs. They still run fine under Windows 11, though you have to jump through hoops to open their help files (namely, dig up a copy of winhlp32.exe and open them from within it, because modern Windows versions block the ability to add file associations for .hlp files, instead redirecting to a series of progressively less useful web sites).
Available for linux, mobile, online and of course static-linked exe. Also as opposed to Windows Minesweeper, mines.exe is guaranteed to be solvable every time.
devilbunny 5 hours ago [-]
I was about to reply with this. Excellent time waster.
devin 23 hours ago [-]
So good.
Maybe lean into some of the metal gear solid dialogue by having a long back and forth about "What's a mine?" "What do you mean 'mark a mine'?" "How do I know when I'm done?" etc.
mkobit 23 hours ago [-]
I really enjoy this trope. The "Zelda Ocarina of Time if it were a modern game" series has the MGS style discussion, and the whole series is incredible.
It's probably a bit too far, but nevertheless enjoyable for the comedic effect.
thefz 10 hours ago [-]
Co-op UnEpic was real fun.
Loughla 18 hours ago [-]
Jesus Christ. I hate it. So so much.
I've never been able to put my thumb on it, and I just chalked it up to me being older now, but I'm not a big fan of a lot of games. And this video opened the curtains as to why. Just so much hand holding and noise.
jasonjayr 17 hours ago [-]
Did you like Myst? That was the complete opposite end of the spectrum.
Title screen video gives a vague story. Game starts. No dialog. No text. Just ... clicking and discovering the rest of the story.
Narciss 4 hours ago [-]
I played Myst a bit, but my favorite in the genre was Sentinel: Descendants in Time. I used to carry a notebook to follow the puzzles, it was amazing.
iririririr 11 hours ago [-]
"myst ... game starts"
well, now you're just making things up
Loughla 17 hours ago [-]
I fucking loved that game. That and the Dr. Brain games define my childhood. Oh and gizmos and gadgets. And Commander Keen. And Descent. And Hillsfar. And Deathtrack.
But also yes, I did enjoy Myst. It's also what I enjoyed about Minecraft when it first came out. You just had to figure your shit out or get killed by zombies.
sneak 15 hours ago [-]
The market for video games is now on the close order of 1000 times larger than it was when Myst was released. It now includes the General Public, and all that entails.
wolrah 14 hours ago [-]
Also there are a lot more high-quality games available now, for a lot less money. In the '80s and '90s you might spend $50-100 on a bad game and you'd play it anyways because you couldn't return it. Even if you could, your local game store only stocked so many things.
Now if you're paying full price for a game you've at least had the ability to read reviews and you know it's going to be half price in a year but you want it now. You also have tens of thousands of other games to pick from in basically any genre you want, accessible more or less on demand.
saturn8601 12 hours ago [-]
Maybe this is my nostalgia speaking, but it felt better that way. When there was so much less software every new application was a journey. The mystery of going to the local computer store and choosing a floppy disk in a plastic baggie off of that cork board. Or sending a mail order to some PO box in Texas somewhere, and then you get mailed back a floppy disk. Now you have so many options. The option that is often chosen is don't play anything. I probably am very biased on this.
dfxm12 2 hours ago [-]
Now if you're paying full price for a game you've at least had the ability to read reviews and you know it's going to be half price in a year but you want it now.
This was true back then too. Computer Gaming World dates back to 81. Also the software stores that I (i.e., my parents) shopped at back then discounted older titles. This is why I got to play through the Castle of Dr. Brain after the Island of Dr. Brain was released.
phs318u 8 hours ago [-]
High-definition, sure.
High quality? Hmmmm.
wolrah 5 hours ago [-]
Though there definitely is a lot of slop out there (even before that term gained a new meaning) I think it's hard to argue that there are so many more high quality games now than there ever were before just because it's so much easier to develop and distribute them.
Also don't rose-colored-glasses older games either, there was a lot of absolute trash. Bargain bins existed for a reason. That said just because a game is bad doesn't mean it isn't still fun in some way, even if for its brokenness. There's an entire genre of games these days where the basic principle is "if you find a bug, but it's funny, it's now a feature".
LikesPwsh 4 hours ago [-]
[dead]
sdenton4 4 hours ago [-]
Check out UFO 50... It's got an insane number of amazing games, and is almost entirely tutorial-free.
eterm 17 hours ago [-]
I don't remember which game it was, but I'm pretty sure it was a ubisoft game, maybe AC3, where it felt so much like a tutorial that I spent the entire game wondering when I'd get out of the tutorial and onto the real game.
It ruined the game for me, because I never felt like I was let free to actually play the game.
sneak 15 hours ago [-]
Video games make more money than all of Hollywood combined.
They’re not niche geeky things, they are the most mass of mass media. Their target market includes the the people for whom the “do not ingest” label appears on bottles of bleach, as well as the parents for whom the “this is not a toy” appears in huge letters on plastic packaging bags.
Of course they have to say things in the simplest possible language, repeated 3 times in text AND audio. Otherwise half of their audience will be confused and frustrated, because they have two digit IQs.
Kurtz79 9 hours ago [-]
[dead]
dormento 22 hours ago [-]
"Sweeper, press the X button to mark a mine."
"X... button?"
"Focus, Sweeper! Sweeper? SWEEPEEEER!"
siva7 20 hours ago [-]
I liked the triple-a minesweeper better than the windows original. First time i won the game.
b3lvedere 6 hours ago [-]
No matter how
many bombs you (deliberately) set off, you will win. :)
SyneRyder 5 hours ago [-]
Before anyone else spends additional minutes like I just did - there aren't multiple endings. Even though the above would have opened that opportunity.
wpm 5 hours ago [-]
Hhhhhrnnng, Colonel, what's a Mine-D doing here?
manoDev 15 hours ago [-]
“Why are we still here? Just to suffer?”
b3lvedere 6 hours ago [-]
To pass me the butter
vincnetas 12 hours ago [-]
I have not seen any comment about the idea that you are being handholded through whole game without even needing to think about what to do next.
For me this is the biggest complaint about some games where instead of making a player think what to do and how to navigate game, player basically gets "click her" "go that way" "click that" "congrats you won"
so i think this is the parody aspect of this minesweeper.
Cant imagine current AAA games allowing player to be stuck for days trying to solve the problem like good old times of monkey island or leisure suit larry
rmunn 10 hours ago [-]
I tried it, and clicked in the corner as the first move instead of the hand-holding location. Revealed half the board, as that usually does, and also revealed that the simulation of a AAA game was imperfect. Because what AAA game is going to let you actually start playing the game right off the bat, without even so much as a single click on a "Skip the Tutorial" button?
(Answer: some. I'm struggling to recall which game does this, but there's definitely a game where if you solve the first level in 40 seconds or less — numbers might well be wrong, but it's something like that — then the game assumes you've played it before and quietly skips the tutorial without making a big deal about it. But all too few AAA games will do that.)
bejd 9 hours ago [-]
Not exactly what you're describing, but Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare (2007) had a training course at the start. The game suggested a difficulty level based on how fast you completed it.
kleene_op 12 hours ago [-]
They even used yellow markers, explicitly parodying the yellow paint they've been putting in AAAA games to show players where to go next or what crate to break.
joenot443 3 hours ago [-]
Exactly. “Yellow spray paint” has become a derogatory term in the industry to talk about these patronizingly obvious visual cues devs add to 3D games these days to let them know where to go.
I think part of it has to do with reasonable software design principles around affordances and discoverability making their way to game dev. I think the relationship of user::app is completely different from that of player::game. When a user takes 2min to find the button that means the button should be easier to find. When a player takes 2min to find the chest, it could mean a lot of things but it doesn’t necessarily mean the chest needs to be easier to find.
That’s my morning subway take, at least.
ivanjermakov 8 hours ago [-]
There is a bunch of AAA parody: 17 loading screen logos, epic music without anything happening, deep dialogues over nothing, gameplay is as imperative as it gets, unskippable dialogues.
chii 60 minutes ago [-]
I did let the credits scene play out completely, because it completely parodies the large staff count, with large numbers of them being in positions like directors and producers. It's such a good parody.
genghisjahn 3 hours ago [-]
I’ve been playing Valheim for 2 years and I’m still finding things you can do that i didn’t know about.
sevg 10 hours ago [-]
I fondly remember getting so stuck in Day of the Tentacle or Grim Fandango not just for days but even giving up for weeks before coming back with fresh motivation! This is the sort of challenge that’s actually rewarding when you manage to solve it (unlike being held by the hand the entire game).
komali2 6 hours ago [-]
> Cant imagine current AAA games allowing player to be stuck for days trying to solve the problem like good old times of monkey island or leisure suit larry
I've been thinking about it and I think the best gaming experiences I've had were the ones with the least hand-holding; or rather, where the hand-holding was best integrated truly and nearly invisibly into the environment.
Elden Ring, Outer Wilds, Fez, Animal Well, Rain World, Chants of Sennarr, Axiom Verge, Path of Achra, Caves of Qud, Disco Elysium, Noita. OG Minecraft before there were tutorials. I've been trying to find similar titles.
programd 5 minutes ago [-]
Rimworld, of course. You'll keep discovering creative new ways for your colony to die for years.
devilbunny 4 hours ago [-]
Turn off tutorial mode in the original Civilization. Play it. Every person I considered really smart in the early to mid nineties had a Civ addiction at some point. Because who doesn’t want to try to be God?
One of my friends played on hard mode to challenge himself. One played on easy to build a proto-Factorio without interruption. Both valid ways.
genghisjahn 3 hours ago [-]
Ah civ 1. Been chasing that high ever since. I talked my parents into buying a 486sx “for school” but I made sure it met the min reqs for civ. I put that packard bell through so much.
sdenton4 4 hours ago [-]
Check out UFO 50. Piles of amazing games, mostly just the right length (no need for filler content in any one game when you're making 50 of them!), and almost entirely tutorial free.
purple_basilisk 2 hours ago [-]
Return of the Obra Dinn is a solid add to that list
orbitaldesk 4 hours ago [-]
[flagged]
roskelld 3 hours ago [-]
My only criticism was the lack of shader compilation. I miss the time where I can go and make a sandwich without fear of missing out.
Bravo overall, nailed many tropes of modern gaming.
chii 1 hours ago [-]
also missing options menu that has graphics settings with low, medium, high and ultra high.
NSUserDefaults 22 hours ago [-]
Nice but the logos are skippable, which is not realistic.
LugosFergus 22 hours ago [-]
Also, since it's an Unreal game, it's missing long load times, camera jitter, frame spikes, and dynamic resolution constantly kicking in.
OptionOfT 13 hours ago [-]
It's also missing overly shiny textures and the horrible delayed input on Unreal games...
CrimsonCape 14 hours ago [-]
What is that effect called where text "glitches" with like chromatic abberation around the edges... SGRRK
chii 58 minutes ago [-]
i imagine this is usually due to bad anti aliasing mixed with screen space occlusion that messes with edges
easterncalculus 21 hours ago [-]
but muh Steam's 30% cut, or something
dijit 20 hours ago [-]
Unreal Engine and the Epic Games Store have nothing to do with each other really.
You can get some royalty fee's reduced by launching on Epic Games Store but that's it.
Most Unreal Engine games are distributed by Steam.
ALSO, fun fact while we're here.. to display the Unreal Engine logo on startup you're supposed to ask Epic Games for permission; but since it's the default project splash screen (meant to be replaced) people just assume that they want the publicity and that it's part of using the engine- Epic doesn't feel like enforcing this because they don't see the point.
So, feel free to remove it, and if you see it, just know that the developers very likely didn't read the agreement they signed when they started using the Engine :)
Source: the last unreal engine technical advisory board in Stockholm; I too didn't read this from the agreement ...
chungy 18 hours ago [-]
It's a bit hit-or-miss whether logos are skippable. Some games let you, some don't.
It's often a cover to mask loading times anyway.
guyzero 20 hours ago [-]
I wished it was just all into logos and no actual game. That's the real AAA experience.
jasomill 14 hours ago [-]
Don't forget the unskippable launcher without controller support.
Bonus points if the launcher is the only thing blocking it from working properly on Proton.
Or if it's a multiplayer game that, when it crashes, by the time you get past the crash reporter, the unskippable launcher, the unskippable logos, the unskippable epilepsy warning, and the unskippable title screen intro animation, the window for reconnecting without penalty will have passed.
pendenthistory 11 hours ago [-]
I love being forced to log in to two separate services play a single player game, genius!
willguest 18 hours ago [-]
36 goddamn seconds, mere moments are waking and, for what?! stabbed in the back again. i knew she wasn't good for it, why didn't i trust my instincts. all those people, so many goddamn people, and now this?! i ain't sweeping no more, i'm out.
7 hours ago [-]
grumbel 22 hours ago [-]
There is also the classic "Minesweeper - The Movie"[1]
Where is expert mode? Please introduce this! Or did I somehow miss it?
Aardwolf 9 hours ago [-]
How did people in the 90s even manage to play Minesweeper without having a yellow marker to guide you?
nashashmi 5 hours ago [-]
I learned it from other classmates in like my last year of high school. Then i mineswept a huge one with a high density of mines. What a waste of time. It was good for a younger kidnto make their mjnds sharper
siva7 8 hours ago [-]
As someone old enough to experience it as a kid: We tried to figure out what the heck this weird game was about until giving up and moving on with life.
qznc 8 hours ago [-]
The "vi" game was really weird though.
notyouagain 8 hours ago [-]
No idea. But I had more fun _avoiding_ that yellow dot.
8 hours ago [-]
Youden 20 hours ago [-]
Does anyone know if the voices are AI-generated? I was a little surprised; I don't think I would have questioned it if I heard them in a real game or video but since this seems to basically be a joke, I'm doubtful real voice actors were used.
geraldwhen 19 hours ago [-]
The frontier of voice synth has reached roughly human parity. It’s also very inexpensive.
I’d be shocked if we don’t have mainstream games with AI voices soon.
kqr 11 hours ago [-]
Can you direct me to such a frontier? Bonus points if it is cheap.
I want to use voice synthesis to read my blog articles out loud to me as a self-editing step, but the experience was nothing like a human when I last tried.
The voices sounded natural-ish alright, but intonation was all over the place.
kangalioo 12 minutes ago [-]
Artificial Analysis is usually a good resource to find current frontier AI models.
Gemini 3.8 Flash / Flash-Lite TTS seem good, for example, they lie on the frontier of both.
EleKtr1X 20 hours ago [-]
they definitely sound ai generated yeah
Dramatize 9 hours ago [-]
The lady sounded like the voice of Celeste from Arc Raiders
ZeWaka 14 hours ago [-]
100%
Waterluvian 15 hours ago [-]
This is exactly what I thought the Web was going to be like. Imagine the renaissance era of Classic Web if people could realize their clever ideas like this so easily.
willmeyers 15 hours ago [-]
The web is like this right now! You gotta go through noise and mess of it all! There's so many crazy people making weird stuff and sharing it all the time! You gotta find it!!!
jasomill 15 hours ago [-]
What's lacking is human-curated directories of such things, webrings, and pages listing site authors' personal favorites.
Largely replaced by social media, I suppose, including of course HN.
xmcp123 12 hours ago [-]
RIP dmoz.org
Exactly what you want, organized and broad. And also dead.
PaulHoule 5 hours ago [-]
And moderated by spammers.
dudefeliciano 8 hours ago [-]
isn't the internet itself the OG social media
Waterluvian 15 hours ago [-]
I just don’t find it often enough!
fragmede 14 hours ago [-]
theres an FPS version of minesweeper out there
fidotron 23 hours ago [-]
But I didn't need to install a publisher specific launcher to run it.
ravenstine 23 hours ago [-]
And then be forced to download a 42GiB update.
ASalazarMX 21 hours ago [-]
And accept telemetry and marketing!
donpdonp 16 hours ago [-]
And I don't think my accomplishments are being recorded!
notyouagain 8 hours ago [-]
And the anticheat that randomly bans innocent users
PaulHoule 5 hours ago [-]
And it doesn’t add to my GamerScore.
xbar 23 hours ago [-]
I was angry at the wasted 30 seconds of opening licensed 3rd party software listings, but I stayed through to the end of the credits roll, laughing until I cried.
This is Art.
nottorp 23 hours ago [-]
I think the opening logo sequence is too short. Also it's missing agreement to 2-3 EULAs that you have to scroll down all the way for the accept button to get enabled. And the epilepsy warning. And the disclaimer that it's all a work of fiction.
jameshart 22 hours ago [-]
Failed certification because it didn’t warn you not to turn off when the save icon is spinning.
jasomill 14 hours ago [-]
I always wondered about this one on PC games. What kind of person quits a game by hard powering off their PC or forcably terminating the game process with something like Task Manager? Because any reasonable way to quit a PC game can either be blocked by the game itself while it's saving (Alt+F4, which is an application shortcut, not a system shortcut), or delayed for long enough to save (graceful shutdowns and reboots).
pixl97 14 hours ago [-]
You may underestimate how many people try to play big ass games on slow or resource short PCs. With old hard disks it wasn't uncommon for saving to stun lock the computer for surprisingly long periods of time.
nottorp 11 hours ago [-]
I think that the warning is required on consoles and taking it out of the PC port would be extra work, so it stays...
ryandrake 11 hours ago [-]
Don't forget the "this game may trigger epilepsy" warning that every game has now.
adamanonymous 22 hours ago [-]
Also missing the redirect to your browser to connect to Epic Games and create a SweeperPro account with 2FA
I lol’d when they said “there’s no time to waste”… after making me watch five splash screens.
Thank you for making this. Biting commentary on modern video games.
irl_zebra 5 hours ago [-]
This is just stellar. My favorite HN submission this year. Excellent.
donkey_brains 23 hours ago [-]
So good. Looking forward to level 2 so we can find out what happened in Singapore.
jameshart 22 hours ago [-]
That will be coming in the first DLC in a few months, delayed because it is being developed by a new team after the original development studio was bought by Activision, retasked to making a mobile solitaire game, then laid off.
wartywhoa23 1 hours ago [-]
For a monent I thought it's a parable of trying to focus on actual work in an AI-shoved-down-your-throat corporate setting.
Toutouxc 21 hours ago [-]
I was hoping for the thing where you play through like half of the game and only then it shows you the title against a dramatic vista.
theroadnotbacon 23 hours ago [-]
I was absolutely hoping to see production babies in the credits. Can’t win ‘em all.
raphman 11 hours ago [-]
Given how many people with the same surnames worked on this game, I was surprised, too.
jameshart 22 hours ago [-]
No pets credited either.
qwertytyyuu 16 hours ago [-]
they only do that in good games
lapetitejort 24 hours ago [-]
Missing:
Sidequest to sweep 10 mines.
Achievement after sweeping 5 mines
The yellow diamond is nice but what if I don't notice the diamond? I need a colored scent trail leading from my cursor to the yellow diamond, and a pinging noise when my cursor is near a mine
Mocapped mines
Jack Quaid
$70
jandrese 23 hours ago [-]
There should be additional audio logs you can find under some squares that provide snippits of backstory.
lapetitejort 23 hours ago [-]
This is minesweeper 33. I'n out sweeping mines and I ran across one that looks different than the others. I'll keep investigating while mine sweeping. I'm recording this 30 second clip onto an entire recording device with a 64gb SD card. I'll leave it on this rock for others to find. Don't worry, I have 11 other devices to record my short messages. Wait, the mine, it's glowing! I can't--
rf15 23 hours ago [-]
Sorry, did you mean Achievement for Starting the Game for the First Time?
em-bee 19 hours ago [-]
it took me an hour to realize that i needed to double click to start the game. i tried switching browsers, using a vpn/proxy, turning off ublock... nothing helped...
buran77 22 hours ago [-]
"Only 7.89% of gamers unlocked this".
RobotToaster 21 hours ago [-]
Those will be in the $50 DLC
mawadev 47 minutes ago [-]
I have bigger fish to fry, Jack, get those mines defused
quantummagic 7 hours ago [-]
This seemed so pointless and uninteresting to me. It's obviously a blindspot for me, since it's so heavily upvoted and liked by many. But for me, mindlessly clicking the prompted location, after sitting through some pointless into logos, leading to absolutely no payoff at all, just ending credits, was distasteful. Can someone who enjoyed this experience articulate why, so that I can reflect on my own personal failing in this regard?
stetrain 7 hours ago [-]
That’s the joke. This is parodying patterns found in many high-budget (AAA) video games.
roryokane 1 hours ago [-]
Also, if you hold off on sweeping all the mines, you’ll hear more dialogue over time that parodies other aspects of these games.
chii 54 minutes ago [-]
if the parent poster is not familiar with the state of AAA games from the past decade, then this whole parody would look like nonsense.
bah9 7 hours ago [-]
I cant determine whether this comment is metairony or not..?
doktor_pepsi 3 hours ago [-]
The beauty of Hackernews, no way to determine whether it's a clueless boomer from old-tech days or a high IQ individual layering the joke even further.
It really does need a store with skins, several kinds of currencies, and loot boxes!
slopinthebag 15 hours ago [-]
needs taa smearing and shader compilation hitches too
keyle 17 hours ago [-]
This is too good. And the main reason why I don't play games today!
Manufactured emotions and hand holding for 'an experience' instead of just fun.
I missed achievements and loading times! Some shader recompilation before the level load would have been tops :)
bryanhogan 8 hours ago [-]
There are thousands of great games which are not hand holding. Many studios are putting out amazing work that does not deserve to be lumped together with modern trash.
alt227 5 hours ago [-]
Yeah and none of them are 'AAA'
karim79 4 hours ago [-]
Not only is this completely hilarious, it's also arguably a better version of minesweeper. Completely awesome project. I love it.
I'm sad that SpeedTree and Havoc weren't in the intro logos though.
jandrese 23 hours ago [-]
I like the part where it doesn't even matter if you hit a mine, you are on this train ride regardless of what you do.
xoxxala 23 hours ago [-]
10/10 story. I look forward to the forthcoming motion picture adaptation from Skydance directed by Michael Bay.
test6554 23 hours ago [-]
After Singapore, there just wasn't any choice.
sam00 8 hours ago [-]
I am mostly been lurking here but since we are talking about Minesweeper, a good opportunity to break the silence :)
I am also a big fan of the game and its variants and currently working on Rogue Sweeper, just another Minesweeper roguelike (beta name, finding an actual name is the hard part)
Please expand this into a full open-world minesweeping game
zdc1 4 hours ago [-]
All it's missing is a "Focus, S!"
Edit: I was impatient. I got my "Focus, Sweeper." Life is good.
Edit 2: It's actually impossible to lose the game. This is art.
magnat 22 hours ago [-]
Felix Varga and Johanna Kowalski (Online Services Engineers) must have done a really good job - with all the traffic from the HN front page login servers didn't go down and queue was almost instant.
firefoxd 14 hours ago [-]
That was a perfect execution. I almost saw a Kojima Game by Hideo Kojima title. The only thing missing was the dialogue at the end of the credits, where Xero says that "Afghanistan is where the answer lives."
kristianp 15 hours ago [-]
Do "AAA" games these days really have that much talking by default? Painful.
drooopy 11 hours ago [-]
The constant overlapping dialogue as you kept on clicking wasn't an exaggeration.
larrydag 21 hours ago [-]
I love the parody. Is this a treatise on modern game development? I hope so.
karim79 3 hours ago [-]
The names at the end credits cracked me up. Literally made my day.
T_Potato 15 hours ago [-]
WHAT HAPPENED IN SINGAPORE?!
isoprophlex 23 hours ago [-]
No lootboxes?
ravenstine 23 hours ago [-]
There aren't even any skins I can buy with my mom's credit card.
qw 19 hours ago [-]
It's also missing a tutorial.
NSUserDefaults 22 hours ago [-]
And which half of the staff gets fired day after release?
361994752 23 hours ago [-]
the non-stopping narration makes it so hard to actually sweep the mines....
nvme0n1p1 23 hours ago [-]
Don: Sounds like you're getting rusty. The Sweeper I knew in Singapore would never have choked like this from just a little background noise.
MitPitt 23 hours ago [-]
Focus, M.
7 hours ago [-]
em-bee 19 hours ago [-]
i could block that out. the subtitles covering the area were more annoying.
jakzurr 18 hours ago [-]
Heck yeah, it was great. But OMG the captions over the bottom of the play area almost drove me nuts! Still, it's quite a piece of art, even if I don't really understand it (typical).
zeristor 8 hours ago [-]
It is missing a huge cut to a countdown timer for added suspense, a film isn’t a film without a cut to the countdown timer driving the story.
Ok, but where are the microtransactions and subscribtions?
zuminator 17 hours ago [-]
Fun! The credits were probably the highlight for me.
ArekDymalski 18 hours ago [-]
I'd buy it just to learn what happened in Singapore.
wredcoll 23 hours ago [-]
That was a great parody, but how much of those effects still worked even though you knew it was coming? The fade ins, blurring the outsides, the emotional voice talking to you... it definitely raised my interest more than just opening minesweeper!
I mean, it doesn't last very long without something else going on, but there is a reason.
In effect, to juice up a game without adding substantial game design mechanics and thought.
A similar sort of overuse happened with blockbuster movies' special effects.
thaumasiotes 22 hours ago [-]
> That was a great parody, but how much of those effects still worked even though you knew it was coming? The fade ins, blurring the outsides, the emotional voice talking to you...
Worked?
The game takes a very long time to load. This is funny, but not desirable in an actual game.
There is voiceover dialogue as you start. You can listen to it, but at some point you'll want to start playing the game.
There is an indicator telling you which square to clear next. I ignored this for several reasons:
- I want to know if you're compelled to follow it (you aren't);
- It's pointing to the wrong square;¹
- Following it would defeat the entire purpose of playing the game.
Dialogue continues as you play. But you can't listen to it because your mind is occupied. Following the indicator would solve that problem...
¹ There is a game you can find called Hexcells that is supposed to be an "improved" version of minesweeper. The "improvements" are two:
1. It's a hex grid, not a square grid.
2. In general, there is only one hex known to be clear at any given time. This means that the structure of the game is that you mindlessly reveal whichever tile you just gained information about rather than suffering under any obligation to think about what you can tell from the board.
I'm not sure why this was supposed to be an improvement; the only effect is to remove the entire puzzle aspect from a puzzle game. But hey, Steam reviews are "overwhelmingly positive". https://store.steampowered.com/app/265890/Hexcells/
bigstrat2003 18 hours ago [-]
> In general, there is only one hex known to be clear at any given time. This means that the structure of the game is that you mindlessly reveal whichever tile you just gained information about rather than suffering under any obligation to think about what you can tell from the board.
That is not remotely an accurate description of Hexcells. Either you didn't play it, or you didn't play it more than the early levels. In Hexcells, you do not just have info on the tiles, but also along rows of hexes (telling you how many are in that row, and sometimes if they are contiguous or separate), as well as some hexes which tell you how many tiles you need to flag in a radius around them. It is fairly common that you need to combine multiple pieces of information about the board state in order to deduce what the next move is, with some of the later puzzles being so complicated at points that you practically have to bust out pencil and paper to work through the logic.
And all of that, while interesting, is not the improvement of Hexcells over Minesweeper (nor are the hexagon cells). The improvement is that you never, ever have to guess blindly and have the game tell you if you were wrong. Every puzzle can be worked out through sheer logic, though some do require you to guess at a hypothesis and then do a long chain of logic to prove or disprove if that would be a valid move (kind of like sudoku puzzles often do). The expanded mechanics are interesting too, but just the fact that you don't ever have to guess blindly is a massive improvement.
johnnyanmac 22 hours ago [-]
>First, the game takes a very long time to load. This is funny, but not desirable in an actual game.
In unrealistic fashion, you can in fact mash through the license logos once you load in. So thr game itself doesn't actually take long at all to boot up on a technical level; the delays were a design choice.
Great parody - very "Focus, M"-esque. Often, it feels that we've lost sight of "If it's not fun, why bother".
twothreeone 18 hours ago [-]
I missed "compiling shaders"
dllrr 23 hours ago [-]
That's hilarious. Spot on.
aidenn0 19 hours ago [-]
Is it always wrong when it says "I think there's a mine here"? It seemed to to me on my playthough...
[edit]
Oh, it says "I think there's a mine here" when you mark a location, but the yellow-diamond is "click here because there's no mines" it's not related to what is being said.
le-mark 5 hours ago [-]
Nice, ui doesn’t support “chording” ie click a number with all its mines flagged and all adjacent squares are clicked. It make clearing the board much faster.
derac 21 hours ago [-]
What no 30 minute shaders compiling sequence?
amirkhanian 6 hours ago [-]
[flagged]
samus 7 hours ago [-]
I gave up before I read "Minesweeper" for the first time.
10 hours ago [-]
hahn-kev 11 hours ago [-]
I absolutely love the fact that it's impossible to lose. You can click every mine and still not lose.
pearlsense 13 hours ago [-]
The subtitles covering the board while the narrator keeps telling me to focus is painfully accurate. The credits were the best part.
Wow the ending credits music was actually pretty awesome
Silasdev 12 hours ago [-]
Second that. Would like to hear more about how it came about. Probably AI generated? Great nonetheless.
Pxtl 17 hours ago [-]
I'm going to go ahead and assume everything we see and hear in a joke project like this is AI generated.
progforlyfe 21 hours ago [-]
You need to add achievements/trophies! Definitely need to achieve a trophy for clicking on the very first square, finding the first mine, your first flag, etc.
Needs a 128GB RAM, 100GB free disk space requirement.
cootsnuck 20 hours ago [-]
I'm curious which TTS model was used for the "Nora" voice. I kept noticing vocal artifacts in her speech disfluencies. Which bothers me more than it probably should...
AlienRobot 7 hours ago [-]
This is amazing.
fumeux_fume 17 hours ago [-]
Can I get an FPS overlay for this?
tonymet 17 hours ago [-]
Needs the epilepsy warning and Activision account login, plus TOS consent screen, network login failure warning, new DLC series content updates
justinhj 17 hours ago [-]
Fancy playing the standard edition when the deluxe edition has a limited edition enhanced selection icon, a music cd and a small plastic mine.
jjmarr 22 hours ago [-]
The ending needed to force you to click on a mine so you die in the cutscene lmao.
TheAtomic 20 hours ago [-]
Is there a help card? Or, how do you turn off the CC captions? They obscure the bottom of the play field on my Mactop.
nicman23 8 hours ago [-]
this is aweful, thanks
chirau 14 hours ago [-]
Intro is too long
znpy 10 hours ago [-]
Strong metal gear solid vibes… i love that
Wowfunhappy 14 hours ago [-]
This was great, but honestly, I would have enjoyed a non-joke take on this. Like, but with a cinematic story around it.
jdw64 10 hours ago [-]
Could someone recommend a well-organized book on this kind of direction?
I'm curious how a small game like this pulls off this kind of direction.
lafalce 21 hours ago [-]
I need to sweep these mines!
Lucasoato 20 hours ago [-]
Incredible
colordrops 20 hours ago [-]
First time I've laughed out loud at one of these sorts of things in a while...
I was expecting it to open up on some WW2 style battlefield with smoke and explosions, but this was better.
akxr2lat4 15 hours ago [-]
Mine Sweeper: Tom Clancy's Sweep Job
etchalon 24 hours ago [-]
I laughed way way way too hard
simpsond 13 hours ago [-]
Perfection.
zambaras 17 hours ago [-]
Brilliant. You nailed it! Still laughing.
volcomy 17 hours ago [-]
Finally, a Minesweeper with a side quest.
13 hours ago [-]
phendrenad2 14 hours ago [-]
I thought for sure a popup was going to appear asking me to log in with Games For Windows Live!
duhballs 23 hours ago [-]
Needs Debra Wilson
b3lvedere 23 hours ago [-]
That was awesome
zambaras 17 hours ago [-]
Brilliant! You nailed it.
ReptileMan 22 hours ago [-]
The part where the subtitles hide the mines is the best for me. Also talk with Ubisoft - they make AAAA games.
sharkjacobs 12 hours ago [-]
"Oof! A mine!"
viccis 23 hours ago [-]
Damn I didn't even have to Press Start to begin
bbeonx 23 hours ago [-]
omg this is brilliant i was IMMEDIATELY tilting my face off
justmaris 1 days ago [-]
This is fun.
23 hours ago [-]
serf 22 hours ago [-]
now add a kernel level rootkit and a monthly subscription which guarantees a set amount of loot-boxes a month.
rvz 4 hours ago [-]
What is the point of this?
18 hours ago [-]
IshKebab 21 hours ago [-]
lol perfect execution. I cracked up with the smiley face lip sync.
ciefa 19 hours ago [-]
Made me lol, thanks :D
fHr 21 hours ago [-]
Lmao
wrinfo 11 minutes ago [-]
[flagged]
Shmungus 12 hours ago [-]
[flagged]
peterramsing 24 hours ago [-]
[dead]
iwontberude 23 hours ago [-]
[dead]
1over137 3 hours ago [-]
I guess there's a joke here somewhere? It's minesweeper but annoying?
loneboat 2 hours ago [-]
It's minesweeper, a decidedly non-AAA game, but mixed in with many tropes of AAA games: corny/unnecessary allusions to character histories, verbose tutorials, "cold open" with eyelids fluttering open, some random NPC offering a way to grind for currency. That kind of thing.
1over137 2 hours ago [-]
Thanks. I guess you have to be a video game player to fully appreciate!
Incidentally, as of Windows 8, Microsoft replaced OG Minesweeper with an overdesigned mobile game-inspired app with daily challenges and in-game purchases[1].
I've been carrying the orignal versions of Minesweeper and Solitaire from (checks Properties) Windows NT 3.51 in my "random bin" directory for years, chosen, I believe, because they're 32-bit, have none of the graphical changes introduced in later versions, and don't rely on any non-core system DLLs. They still run fine under Windows 11, though you have to jump through hoops to open their help files (namely, dig up a copy of winhlp32.exe and open them from within it, because modern Windows versions block the ability to add file associations for .hlp files, instead redirecting to a series of progressively less useful web sites).
[1] https://apps.microsoft.com/detail/9wzdncrfhwcn?hl=en-US&gl=U...
Available for linux, mobile, online and of course static-linked exe. Also as opposed to Windows Minesweeper, mines.exe is guaranteed to be solvable every time.
Maybe lean into some of the metal gear solid dialogue by having a long back and forth about "What's a mine?" "What do you mean 'mark a mine'?" "How do I know when I'm done?" etc.
Here is the forest temple video which is a short sample of what to expect: https://youtu.be/KC656o7_zVk
It's probably a bit too far, but nevertheless enjoyable for the comedic effect.
I've never been able to put my thumb on it, and I just chalked it up to me being older now, but I'm not a big fan of a lot of games. And this video opened the curtains as to why. Just so much hand holding and noise.
Title screen video gives a vague story. Game starts. No dialog. No text. Just ... clicking and discovering the rest of the story.
well, now you're just making things up
But also yes, I did enjoy Myst. It's also what I enjoyed about Minecraft when it first came out. You just had to figure your shit out or get killed by zombies.
Now if you're paying full price for a game you've at least had the ability to read reviews and you know it's going to be half price in a year but you want it now. You also have tens of thousands of other games to pick from in basically any genre you want, accessible more or less on demand.
This was true back then too. Computer Gaming World dates back to 81. Also the software stores that I (i.e., my parents) shopped at back then discounted older titles. This is why I got to play through the Castle of Dr. Brain after the Island of Dr. Brain was released.
High quality? Hmmmm.
Also don't rose-colored-glasses older games either, there was a lot of absolute trash. Bargain bins existed for a reason. That said just because a game is bad doesn't mean it isn't still fun in some way, even if for its brokenness. There's an entire genre of games these days where the basic principle is "if you find a bug, but it's funny, it's now a feature".
It ruined the game for me, because I never felt like I was let free to actually play the game.
They’re not niche geeky things, they are the most mass of mass media. Their target market includes the the people for whom the “do not ingest” label appears on bottles of bleach, as well as the parents for whom the “this is not a toy” appears in huge letters on plastic packaging bags.
Of course they have to say things in the simplest possible language, repeated 3 times in text AND audio. Otherwise half of their audience will be confused and frustrated, because they have two digit IQs.
"X... button?"
"Focus, Sweeper! Sweeper? SWEEPEEEER!"
For me this is the biggest complaint about some games where instead of making a player think what to do and how to navigate game, player basically gets "click her" "go that way" "click that" "congrats you won"
so i think this is the parody aspect of this minesweeper.
Cant imagine current AAA games allowing player to be stuck for days trying to solve the problem like good old times of monkey island or leisure suit larry
(Answer: some. I'm struggling to recall which game does this, but there's definitely a game where if you solve the first level in 40 seconds or less — numbers might well be wrong, but it's something like that — then the game assumes you've played it before and quietly skips the tutorial without making a big deal about it. But all too few AAA games will do that.)
I think part of it has to do with reasonable software design principles around affordances and discoverability making their way to game dev. I think the relationship of user::app is completely different from that of player::game. When a user takes 2min to find the button that means the button should be easier to find. When a player takes 2min to find the chest, it could mean a lot of things but it doesn’t necessarily mean the chest needs to be easier to find.
That’s my morning subway take, at least.
I've been thinking about it and I think the best gaming experiences I've had were the ones with the least hand-holding; or rather, where the hand-holding was best integrated truly and nearly invisibly into the environment.
Elden Ring, Outer Wilds, Fez, Animal Well, Rain World, Chants of Sennarr, Axiom Verge, Path of Achra, Caves of Qud, Disco Elysium, Noita. OG Minecraft before there were tutorials. I've been trying to find similar titles.
One of my friends played on hard mode to challenge himself. One played on easy to build a proto-Factorio without interruption. Both valid ways.
Bravo overall, nailed many tropes of modern gaming.
You can get some royalty fee's reduced by launching on Epic Games Store but that's it.
Most Unreal Engine games are distributed by Steam.
ALSO, fun fact while we're here.. to display the Unreal Engine logo on startup you're supposed to ask Epic Games for permission; but since it's the default project splash screen (meant to be replaced) people just assume that they want the publicity and that it's part of using the engine- Epic doesn't feel like enforcing this because they don't see the point.
So, feel free to remove it, and if you see it, just know that the developers very likely didn't read the agreement they signed when they started using the Engine :)
Source: the last unreal engine technical advisory board in Stockholm; I too didn't read this from the agreement ...
It's often a cover to mask loading times anyway.
Bonus points if the launcher is the only thing blocking it from working properly on Proton.
Or if it's a multiplayer game that, when it crashes, by the time you get past the crash reporter, the unskippable launcher, the unskippable logos, the unskippable epilepsy warning, and the unskippable title screen intro animation, the window for reconnecting without penalty will have passed.
[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHY8NKj3RKs
"What happens then?"
"Nothing. You just suck."
I’d be shocked if we don’t have mainstream games with AI voices soon.
I want to use voice synthesis to read my blog articles out loud to me as a self-editing step, but the experience was nothing like a human when I last tried.
The voices sounded natural-ish alright, but intonation was all over the place.
On https://artificialanalysis.ai/text-to-speech/models, you can plot speech preference ELO and pronunciation correctness against price.
Gemini 3.8 Flash / Flash-Lite TTS seem good, for example, they lie on the frontier of both.
Largely replaced by social media, I suppose, including of course HN.
Exactly what you want, organized and broad. And also dead.
This is Art.
https://bsky.app/profile/mikelacher.bsky.social/post/3mxepyw...
Thank you for making this. Biting commentary on modern video games.
Sidequest to sweep 10 mines.
Achievement after sweeping 5 mines
The yellow diamond is nice but what if I don't notice the diamond? I need a colored scent trail leading from my cursor to the yellow diamond, and a pinging noise when my cursor is near a mine
Mocapped mines
Jack Quaid
$70
- Checkpoints after each mine
- DLC for rounded corners
Manufactured emotions and hand holding for 'an experience' instead of just fun.
I missed achievements and loading times! Some shader recompilation before the level load would have been tops :)
I'm sad that SpeedTree and Havoc weren't in the intro logos though.
I am also a big fan of the game and its variants and currently working on Rogue Sweeper, just another Minesweeper roguelike (beta name, finding an actual name is the hard part)
Still in early beta and iPhone only for now. If anyone wants to give it a try: https://testflight.apple.com/join/sjbNFZWH
Feedback always welcome.
Edit: I was impatient. I got my "Focus, Sweeper." Life is good.
Edit 2: It's actually impossible to lose the game. This is art.
Apart from those films which do t have them.
I mean, it doesn't last very long without something else going on, but there is a reason.
In effect, to juice up a game without adding substantial game design mechanics and thought.
A similar sort of overuse happened with blockbuster movies' special effects.
Worked?
The game takes a very long time to load. This is funny, but not desirable in an actual game.
There is voiceover dialogue as you start. You can listen to it, but at some point you'll want to start playing the game.
There is an indicator telling you which square to clear next. I ignored this for several reasons:
- I want to know if you're compelled to follow it (you aren't);
- It's pointing to the wrong square;¹
- Following it would defeat the entire purpose of playing the game.
Dialogue continues as you play. But you can't listen to it because your mind is occupied. Following the indicator would solve that problem...
¹ There is a game you can find called Hexcells that is supposed to be an "improved" version of minesweeper. The "improvements" are two:
1. It's a hex grid, not a square grid.
2. In general, there is only one hex known to be clear at any given time. This means that the structure of the game is that you mindlessly reveal whichever tile you just gained information about rather than suffering under any obligation to think about what you can tell from the board.
I'm not sure why this was supposed to be an improvement; the only effect is to remove the entire puzzle aspect from a puzzle game. But hey, Steam reviews are "overwhelmingly positive". https://store.steampowered.com/app/265890/Hexcells/
That is not remotely an accurate description of Hexcells. Either you didn't play it, or you didn't play it more than the early levels. In Hexcells, you do not just have info on the tiles, but also along rows of hexes (telling you how many are in that row, and sometimes if they are contiguous or separate), as well as some hexes which tell you how many tiles you need to flag in a radius around them. It is fairly common that you need to combine multiple pieces of information about the board state in order to deduce what the next move is, with some of the later puzzles being so complicated at points that you practically have to bust out pencil and paper to work through the logic.
And all of that, while interesting, is not the improvement of Hexcells over Minesweeper (nor are the hexagon cells). The improvement is that you never, ever have to guess blindly and have the game tell you if you were wrong. Every puzzle can be worked out through sheer logic, though some do require you to guess at a hypothesis and then do a long chain of logic to prove or disprove if that would be a valid move (kind of like sudoku puzzles often do). The expanded mechanics are interesting too, but just the fact that you don't ever have to guess blindly is a massive improvement.
In unrealistic fashion, you can in fact mash through the license logos once you load in. So thr game itself doesn't actually take long at all to boot up on a technical level; the delays were a design choice.
[edit]
Oh, it says "I think there's a mine here" when you mark a location, but the yellow-diamond is "click here because there's no mines" it's not related to what is being said.
Absolute Cinema
I feel like there's some reference to the recent Wolverine game and it's unfailable driving sequences in that ...
Thanks for sharing! It made my day.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bomberman%3A_Act_Zero
I was expecting it to open up on some WW2 style battlefield with smoke and explosions, but this was better.